To Whom Do I Apologize…
Over the years, in all of my experiences, I have met and believed that I loved, many. In my stumbles, in my errors, in my attempts to understand and embrace who I am as a person, I have injured others.
Perhaps an apology at this stage of our lives will mean nothing, or if it does, it may not bear the burden required to release and free either of us from the damage done. So if I were to ask, to inquire in the gentlest of fashions of those that I believe I have injured, the question would still remain; how do I apologize.
Words seem so terribly insufficient and whatever tribute I could pay in an attempt to repair the relationship would seem far less worthy of the intention. Do I merely say, “I’m sorry”? And even if “sorry” were to somehow be accepted, there is still the challenge, at least for me, of finding a truthful way of defining the damage done.
So I believe that it would resemble this…
“I am so sorry that I didn’t know how to love you. I am so very sorry that I was so lost in my own pain that I was unaware of your needs. In every thing that I wanted to be, I was unable to embrace your beauty because I couldn’t see it. Lord knows that I wanted to, that I really did all I was capable of doing to look beyond myself, to reach further than my fear said that I could. But I failed.
I have no defense. I offer no excuse. And in the years that have passed, I wonder if I have even the right to ask for your forgiveness. If the very idea of repentance is an affront to the very person that you are, that you have grown to be.
To whom do I apologize? To you? Or to God…
I am sorry… Will you forgive me?”
I do, love….